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Message board >> The age thing

Post college dating Posted by shogun on 7/29/2003

Finding people to date after graduation can be pretty difficult. As the married administrator of this site who got married just before turning 35, I spent a good few years trying to find the answer to that challenge. I don't know that I have any great pearls of wisdom on the topic, but perhaps I can at least muster a cubic zirconium of wisdom or two. Hmm...not sure that was the analogy I was going for. Whatever. Here are my thoughts: • "The singles ward was created for the single, and not the single for the singles ward." - Mark 2:27, ART (Antone Roundy Translation) ;-) There are rules about singles wards and age ranges, so yeah, once you reach a certain age, most singles wards can't accept your membership records. But there's also a rule that says we don't forbid people from attending our wards. So if you need a singles ward, attend a singles ward. After my records got the boot, I attended a singles ward and my home ward each about 50% of the time. I kept up on my callings in the ward where my records were, but also looked after my own needs. This is how I ended up meeting my wife. • "Organize yourselves; prepare every needful datum; and establish a profile, even a profile photo, a profile introduction, a Compatibility Profile, a profile questionnaire, a profile splendid." - D & C 88:119, ART (if lightning strikes this message, feel free to disregard it! I think God has a sense of humor.) I didn't meet my wife online, but her profile on this site helped me decide to pop the question. Looking over her interest list and comparing our Compatibility Profiles helped me while I was considering our relationship to see the big picture--to remember things we'd done together and see how well everything fit. We weren't a perfect match, but I could see that we matched where it mattered. (The fact that we spend most of our time together, since I telecommute, and have not once tired of being around each other bears that out). The more complete your profile is, the easier it will be for someone to say, "I think there's potential here", and muster the courage to take the next step. If your profile is sparse, there may not be anything in it to turn people away, but there also may not be enough to motivate people to make contact. • "Cease to be idle; cease to be unseen; start to find time for one another; cease to sleep longer than is needful;..." - D & C 88:124 ART As Steffanie said, be proactive--send out messages, schedule and/or participate in chats (when I say "and/or" I don't mean schedule it and then optionally show up to participate!), ask questions (you already did that), etc. • "Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it." - Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 255 Thus, we get to the Dr. Phil section--literally, this topic was discussed on Dr. Phil a few days ago. Without saying that this applies to any particular person in any way, since I don't know you personally, some of what Dr. Phil had to say was along the lines of, if your relationships aren't going where you want them to (or if you're not having relationships), then it's not somebody else's fault--you need to look at yourself and decide what to do about it, because apparently what you've been doing hasn't worked. Before the flames begin, let me say that I think he started with that comment to get some people to wake up to the side of the issue that they hadn't been considering. If you want to be married and you're not, that doesn't mean you've got big problems, it just means that you need to do something you haven't done yet. Some people may just need to persist at what they're already doing for longer than they already have (technically that's doing something you haven't done yet). Some people may need to stop doing things they're doing (Dr. Phil suggested not being as pushy/overbearing to one woman who basically had the attitude that she didn't have time to dilly dally and wanted to know right off the bat what the chances were for a relationship with a person--a perfect way to scare just about anyone off). Some people may need to start doing things they're not yet doing. The point is that even if it's somebody else's fault that they can't deal with your strong personality, or that they're only being interested in young girls, or whatever it may be, in the real world, if you want something, you have to do what it takes to get it. If you want to stand (alone) on principle and not change anything, that's your privilege, but you have to accept the consequences. Do you have to compromise on who you are? No. But you may want to consider which aspects of who you are you are emphasizing in what ways, and how you might make some adjustments to improve the probability of things working out the way you want. And you may need to stretch yourself somewhat--to venture outside your comfort zone a little. The important thing is to honestly assess what you're doing and what else you might do, and then do what seems the most likely to work. It sounds like the person who started this discussion is on the right track--at least she asked a question about what SHE can do--where she can go to find people. Keep moving the right direction, periodically checking your heading and making corrections as necessary, and eventually you'll reach your destination. Reply to this message Email subscriptions: You must be logged in to subscribe to message boards.