The Single Life

LDS SN News had a link to an article on Meridian Magazine chronicling the rapid changes to some girls list of the four guys she was most interested in. One day, the guy on the top of her list "spent way too much time talking about how there are too many fat girls in our ward." He dropped to fourth place (sheesh, just drop the guy completely if he's going to be such a schmo!). The next day he was an "alternate" at number five, and then four days later he was "cute and charming" and went back to the top. If that were an isolated example of how fast this girl's hormones shifted, it wouldn't be a big deal, but it sounds like it's pretty typical--like every time a boy smiles at her she melts and puts him on the top of the list. I just can't see myself dating someone who's likely to drop me from number one to number five in the time it takes to walk from Sacrament Meeting to Sunday School. Please tell me not all women are this fickle!

An encouraging note. She said later that "guys have complete control over their placement on the list," and went on to say that asking girls out zips you to the top. I know for a fact that this isn't true with many girls, because I've clearly not ended up anywhere near the top of the list of some of the girls I've asked out. So not all women are emotional puppets. As much fun as it is to get instant acceptance, honestly, I think I'd rather put a little work in and end up with a stable relationship.

A friend of mine named Yuko flew home to Japan yesterday. We first met on what I call a "visually challenged date". It wasn't really a blind date in the sense that the people who set it up didn't think they'd been inspired and that wedding bells were coming in the next two months. (A side note: one meaning of "inspiration" is "the act of inhaling". The next time some creep tells you they were inspired that you should go out with them, you can ask them what they were inhaling...or I guess if they were inspired, who inhaled them).

Back to the visually challenged date. It came about after the person she'd been scheduled to go to a formal dance with had to cancel. A mutual friend who know that I'd lived in Japan called and asked if I'd fill in. He told me up front that she was seven years older than me, and he wasn't expecting anything. But she'd been looking forward to the dance, and he wanted to help ensure she got to go. I accepted. Naturally no sparks flew, but we did become good friends.

Taking time for "mere" friendships, even when you're looking for more, is a good thing.

Just a short entry for tonight before I fall asleep. I just got back from a two-day camping trip in the high Uintahs. Beautiful country! Good company. Nice to have the llamas carrying some of our gear. As tired and interested in nothing but sleep as I am, the apartment still feels so empty and lonely with my roomies both out of town. But that doesn't begin to dull the beauty of the scenery that I still see whenever I close my eyes!

Speaking of which, I'm going to bed.

My sister Joan says she has a "stalker". A guy from her student ward who'd given her rides to activities a few times has now started emailing and instant-messaging her all the time. She has turned down repeated date invitations, but he keeps asking. He's not lurking outside her window or anything, but she's still a little creeped out.

It brings up the question of where the line between persistence and stalking is. They'd been cordial to each other in the past when she was still accepting rides from him, so how long is it okay for him to persist in case she's just playing hard to get now that he's showing interest in more of a relationship? I've heard of girls who do that to see whether a guy is willing to keep trying (annoying!), and I've heard of people who ended up at least being friends after a first date that required a little extra persistence from a guy.

You can't fault a guy for being interested, and I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a few times before giving up. But it sounds like this guy has been clinging on a little too long.

I visited Jack yesterday. His one year old was having a grumpy day, whining and crying for no discernable reason. I'm sure he had his reasons, but whatever they were, it was clear from our adult persepective that he was overreacting to something trivial. I wondered whether we look the same way to God when we complain about our little troubles, not realizing how small there really are.

I didn't have a date to watch the fireworks the other night, so I went rock climbing at "The Red Slab", just up canyon from the Provo temple. As the sun went down, I made myself comfortable at the top of the slab and watched the fireworks from there.

I wasn't the only one watching from the comfort of a cliff-top. Among those who'd dropped in for a little night climbing was a girl from Orem. We chatted about climbing and other topics as we watched, and of course, I got her number. Perhaps we'll climb together some other time.

Lesson learned: go where the kind of people you want to meet are.

My sister Jill and I chatted online a little last night, and she gave me some insight into the challenges of marriage and how to overcome them. She'd gotten a little frustrated last week because her husband often puts off completing his household chores for a few days. A while back, they'd sat down and discussed what needs to be done around the house and divvied everything up between them. She'd pretty much kept up on her end, but he would wait, for example, to take out the garbage till it had been overflowing for two days.

So last week, she had a few words with him about how she felt she was making more changes for the marriage than he was. He responded that he thought he'd made at least as many sacrifices and started naming them. In the conversation that ensued, they each discovered a few things. First, each was giving more to the relationship than the other had realized. Second, each had room for improvement.

It turns out that their perceptions of each others sacrifices were partially influenced by their individual priorities. He, for example, felt that taking out the garbage was a lower priority than other things he was getting done, and thus was comfortable putting it off a little. After all, said he, with the garbage can in the cupboard under the sink, it's not as if the slightly heaping trash was visible. Keeping the garbage level below the rim of the can was more important to her. She gave similar examples going both ways.

After talking it over, they both resolved to make a few changes for each other. The two keys to a good relationship that she named were the fact that their relationship was a higher priority than anything but their faithfulness to God, and in-depth communication. Nagging about the garbage wouldn't have solved anything--that was just a surface detail. Talking in depth about the bigger picture helped them to better understand and appreciate each other, and to bring their lower level priorities in line with their top priorities.

Yesterday I went on a first date to a movie. We went to a matinee, so the theater was mostly empty. The movie was great, but near the end, somebody behind us decided that licking their monster jawbreaker had numbed their tongue enough, so they sent it flying and hit my date in the head. She got an ambulance ride and I went home without seeing the end of the movie. I'll have to see it again sometime to find out how it ends. I guess the question is whether I dare take a date to see it, or whether I should go by myself.