The Single Life

At FHE Monday, some people were talking about LDS singles websites. It was a little disappointing hearing some people talk about how they didn't think it was worth the trouble of slogging through all the profiles looking for interesting people, because it took too long, and it was too hard to tell from a profile whether a person might be interesting. After a while, I realized that everybody was talking about the stodgy old granddaddy of LDS singles sites: LDS Singles Online. My comments about how the tools on LDS Singles Network made searching a lot quicker and the profiles more informative were met by skepticism from the jaded, but a few people seemed interested and said they'd check it out. I've wondered since then what it would take to either get LDSSO to add some features, or to start a mass migration from the big sites with few features to LDSSN. I noticed on LDSSN's "about" page that before they built their site, they had made some suggestions to other sites (which I assume includes LDSSO) which were ignored, and have concluded that the big boys are probably complacent enough that they don't feel the need to make any major improvements. So the question is, how does one start a migration?

I think the fact that everyone talks about LDSSO as if they were the only LDS singles site is part of the problem. If that's the site that everyone talks about, then that's the site that everyone is going to judge all LDS singles sites by. What we've got here is a sick meme ("an idea that replicates through society as it is propagated through person-to-person interaction"*), or at least a languishing one. Maybe if we could start a new meme that held out a little more hope for singles sites actually working, we could both increase the general level of interest, as well as getting more people onto the site with the features that can make it work.

So now I've got another question in the back of my mind: how does one start a meme? I guess if there were an easy answer to that question that didn't involve large sums of money, we wouldn't have to deal with advertisements. Here's what comes to mind so far:

1) Meme's grow best around things that are important, interesting, entertaining, or otherwise beyond the ordinary.
2) For a meme to survive, it must obtain critical mass, reach a tipping point, etc., before whatever started it dies out.
3) The only place to start is with oneself.

So here's what I plan to do:

1) Arm myself with a few interesting facts about LDS Singles Network (I think I'll focus on Compatibility Profiles/Compatibility Match Search, and Connections).
2) When singles sites come up in conversation, I'll look for opportunities to weave those things in.
3) Whenever I email someone on one of the other sites (yeah, I'm still on a few of them), I'll mention LDSSN and it's features.

I don't know how much difference it will make, but if a new meme does get started, maybe "that special someone" will come to LDSSN, and I'll be able to find her at last.

* nanotech-now.com

Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of the thin, thin line that divides bliss from catastrophy. Last night, a girl I dated a few years ago came up in conversation, and was I ever happy to still be single! "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass," says Alma. If you're not careful, small and simple things can bring terrible things to pass too.

One such thing is the small and simple difference between being fun and interesting, and being a raving lunatic. Or at least mildly psychotic. In normal reality, it's usually not too hard to tell the difference. The problem arises when you meet a psycho, hit it off, and start dating before you've had the chance to figure it out. Once the hormones kick in, the line starts to get mighty thin and difficult to see.

That's what had happened with the girl I'd dated. She had some unique and entertaining quirks that made her a lot of fun to be around. What I didn't see at first was that in the serious parts of a relationship that happen between the fun, the quirks were still there, but they weren't quite so entertaining. Fortunately, she went home for the summer before things got too serious, and when we got back together in the fall, I caught a glimpse of that thin, thin line before going all the way blind again. We lasted about two weeks, and then called it off.

In retrospect, I should have seen it all along. Without going into detail, there were a few things about her that, if I'd sat down and thought about the long view of things, I would have known would lead to trouble. I'm definitely becoming an advocate of taking stock of what one wants in a spouse, and figuring out beforehand where and how much one is willing to compromise--not that you need to hold out for the absolute, 100% perfect dreamboat--but you do need to know your limits.

I went skiing at Brighton the other day. As I approached the lift line, I'd often hear someone calling out "single!" Some other "single" person would join them and they'd ride up the lift together. It reminded me of so called "speed dating", where groups of people get together and spend a few minutes in an intense one-one-one conversation with a member of the opposite sex, and then move on to the next person. Sometimes, you'll meet someone you'd like to get to know better and exchange numbers or email addresses. But not always. If ski resorts had singles days, you could combine speed dating with something more certain to be worthwhile.

I didn't notice anyone who'd linked up for the ride staying together after they got off. Maybe the ski slopes aren't the best places to look for love.